What I'm feeling Right Now

               No one can foresee our future, right? So do I. There are a lot of questions that I may ask. But to whom? God? Perhaps. I’m not sure though. I’m gonna tell what I concerned about. You know, guys I think I’m not belongs to English Major. Although, at the first time I felt so blessed because I can be part of UGM. University of Gadjah Mada, one of the best univ in this country. My parents also agreed about it. That’s why they want me so bad to study in UGM. I know I know, it’s not a bad one, but this is must. I’m going to mad at that time. I was thinking if I’m not gonna make it, I mean be part of UGM. What  happens to me next? Sometimes, I felt that my parents always push me over. Okey, Im not like my sisters. Maybe they more clever than me. So what? we’re different right? Okey, forget it, let’s go back to the topic.

               I never imagined that I will be studied in English major. Yeah, this is one of my favorite course when I was in high school but I mean I don’t wanna learn further more about English. I have another “dream” about where place that I work in. Be honest guys. First things that come up in your mind about English is teacher. Is it true? That’s so boring, right? I have been studying English in Vocational College for a year. At the first time, I’m a bit nervous especially when speaking. This is the worst among the others. I’m not used to speak too much in high school. Furthermore, I have to do a mini drama in class.

               Ahh I hate it. I feel weird standing in front of a lot of people although that’s my friend. Let me tell you a secret. Maybe this is not good but I have to tell ya. I felt that in my class there are some people who hated me. When I’m do a presentation, they tried to put me down. I don’t why but I could see it in theirs eyes, they way they see me. Not only me who felt it. I tried to ignore it as my friend’s advice. It worked, but those things also made me wanna try SBMPTN again. This is such a dilemma. I feel English is not belongs to me, but in other side, I started comfort with the friends *except the people who I’ve told you before*. However, I have to decide. I decided to try again. I don’t have any preparation for it, only depends on past memories that still left. I still waiting for the announcement. 28 June and 1 July will be the day. Whether I passed the test or not? I hope I will. If I’m not, I will go back to my Major right now.

One Thing Could Ruin Everything

             Do you have a pet? If you don’t have, maybe you never understand my story and think is no make sense at all. My story related about my pet which is my dog called Odie but I often called him Culut. If you wonder his complete name I will tell it. His complete name is Odie Buddy Super Lucky because all of his siblings died, only him that survived. I have 6 dogs before Odie died but, now only 5 dogs.

           So, here the story begin. I have been living with Odie about 4 or 5 years and everyday I interacted with him. I’m always talking with all my dogs, say to them about my day. I prefer share my story with my dogs than my parents. Tell to them just made my problems getting worse especially my mom. Then, say about Odie again. My sister and I have favorite dogs, but she never took care of her dog. I only who cares about the dogs. She never fed the dogs, she only say to do this, to do that. For me, it’s alright because I truly love my dogs and pretend them as my kids and my family. 

           One day, I felt that there something wrong with Odie. Odie was not happy as usual. He just little bit ate his food. I tried talking with him what was going on with him. I found his hand was injured then, I looked over his wound. Tomorrow was Monday and my class ended at 5 pm but I didn’t know the exact time I went back at 1 pm. My sister sent me a message about Odie. She told that Odie was attacked by his others sibling. I was really panic and said to her to took care of him before I went back from college. I was begged to her because I knew that she hate Odie, but she didn’t reply my message. So, I drove as fast as I could and I went to drag store first to buy some medicine.

            After arriving at home, I went to the back yard right away. I called Odie for many times but he never answered my call. I had a bad feeling about this. One place Odie’s favorite place is banana tree. I’m heading to there. Yeah, I was right, I found Odie near banana trees but he had died. I was crying so loud and still called his name. But this is useless. I say sorry to Odie that I couldn’t be the best mama for him. This was because of my sister. I asked her to help me, but she just ignores it. I buried Odie with myself. I didn’t wanna see Odie suffered any longer. 

           Guess? My sister was coming and asked me that Odie really died. I didn’t say nothing because I was furious. There’s no regret in her face about this. She is fine. I said “Dammit, she really annoying and don’t wanna have a sister like her”. Since that moment, my relationship with my sister was really bad. I never talk with her again, never laughed with her again. When I saw her face, I just remember Odie., how could Odie die like that??. In fact, I moved out and prefer sleeping in another room which is separated with her. Yes, we used to share room each others. I still didn’t know how to fix my problem with my sister. I tried to forget it but still hard for me. Just let it flow !!!

Try Something New

Today, we live in the globalization era. There is no excuse to say “I couldn’t” because there are so many opportunities around us. Some people say that today a competition to get a job,for example is very hard, Meanwhile, for a student, a competition in a college to get a high score not the easy one. They think that when we apply for a job, it just needs a high score. But you got wrong !!! They need more than that. They need your experiences instead of your score. Yeah, we can’t ignore it, we still use the score to compare with our skill. But how we can get a good skill only to sit down and do nothing? We have to move around.

I think I have to get a new experience as much as I can. Meeting new people is a good step to start my opportunity to get a job,. Learn from them about what they do now, shares my problem with them and they will help me. Now, I teach English for high school student. This is my first time to teach someone else out of my friend. We never met before, but I have to make a good relation with my student, not that easy one.  I also feel nervous when I’m teaching, still looks so clumsy and I realized it. FYI, I’m not an easy going person. Mostly when I meet new person  I didn’t talk too much unless I have an important thins to do with them. Sometimes, I feel envy with someone who can talk without lack of topic to talk to and I asked to myself “Can I do that matter?”

I try to accept myself no matter it is. I explore what I have to do as 19 years old. I’m getting old and this is time to earn money with my own effort. I hope with I start as soon as I can then, my skill will improve to go better. Beside that, my father has retired from his work and I feel like I’m so stupid person if I still depend on my parents to get a money. Sometimes, when my friends spent too much money for only lunch or dinner and I think they too much thinking about prestige. Remember, you get money from your parents, so be wise managed your money. However, I need you pray for me guys so I can through it and never give up when I get a trouble because when I decide to stop, it means I lose my opportunity. 

I had an experience when I was in high school. I was qualified to join the  biology olimpiad and we trained about 2 months before the day came. But, I prefer to resign because the book that I have to buy was so expensive. When I told it to my friend, they said “Why you so stupid? That’s a good opportunity for you and you just let it go so easily”. At that time, I was never thinking about that, I only do whatever I wanna do. That’s why I always appreciate every single opportunity that come to me and I have to fight for it.

Love is Powerful

Everyone believes that the power of love could change this world. Without love this world may be a dangerous place and we don’t want to live in. I think this world has been decreased a level of love to each others. Still, many wars in Middle East like Pakistan, Afganistan, Iraq, and many others. There’s so many examples that we can learn from it. I bet we still remember a terror in Paris and Jakarta. If love grows around us, it never be happening. I think it is because misunderstanding about certain things because we’re not known more about it. We keep thinking negative and want to revenge. Let’s say what ISIS has done. They kill people without have any fears. Not only kill but also torture to an innocent people. This is only made us lived in fear and more hate one another.

I’ve read a good sentence that is “Life is too short to love someone so never waste your time to hate one another”. Sometimes we only thinking about someone else which is their bad things. I’m sure 99,9 % girls ever do this because you have a problem or someone’s appereance, at least. Because their style is not same with you and your thinking that is very weird, thus you keep away from them. Not only that, you also make a gossip about them without you know it is whether true or not and all of your friends have faith in you. Then, they don’t have any friend around, very lonely, but you very happy about it instead. How come we turn to be a cruel people because a simple thing?? Are we lost love to each others? If we can reflect ourself before judging others people, we will able to love someone else and of course, our life will be more blessing than we wasted our energy to hate people.

Even, God teaches us to love our enemy because it is very hard but very thoughtful. Only a great people that could do this matter. In fact, we still hard to forgive our friends that made a mistake to us. So, commit to yourself to more forgive, spread love as much as you can. This world would be a better world  if we hold hands together, love one another, no hatred because we can respect other differences around us.